Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you will always have a special place in my vag
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
