Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize