Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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