i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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