He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
