Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
