Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Randomize
