you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
