He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
