u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
