she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
