She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
