For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
