Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
