I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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