hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He passed out mid-signature
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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