Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
