i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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