oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
