You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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