i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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