She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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