why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
