Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize