You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
