What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
