I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
