Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
