the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
