Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I didn't notice because vodka
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
