the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
