Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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