if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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