Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
