There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
