Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
