The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I lost the right to judge tonight
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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