I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
