these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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