I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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