I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
