I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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