I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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