remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
50% drunk capacity currently
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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