I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
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