guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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