You just made me feel so damn special
kristin has been a bad kristin
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
