I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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