it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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