His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
