please come you make the beer taste better
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm both gender and math confused
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
