Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
