if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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