Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
