there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
