I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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