She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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