need another drink. this is the easiest way
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
