i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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