So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I want to be your penis for a week.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
