i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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