i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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