I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We named our party play list daddy issues
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
