I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
