I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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