chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
