I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish I could punch you in the face.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
