I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize