but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
