It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
