I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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