Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
