ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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