Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
