it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
