would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
