....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
